


Fragile Safety

by LadyHorizon94



Series: (Not) Mine [6]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: And abuse in general, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blueberry being a dear, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, MomSter, NOT ACTUAL STUFF IS THERE BUT IT'S THE AFTERMATH OF RED POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER, Napstatton - Freeform, Nightmares, OC, Omppuisapple.... yep still continuing, POSSESSIVE! BEHAVIOR AND THOUGHTS, POSSIBLE FLASHBACKS ABOUT RAPE AND SEXUAL ABUSE, RG!Gaster, UF!Momster, UF!Sans, US!Dadster, US!Sans, US!Undyne - Freeform, US!W.D Gaster, Underfell, Underswap AU, Warning!, Yandere!Us!Papyrus ah yes i think he has earned the title after the last fic, but hey, come visit me, fears, prolly going hell, the title sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-08-29 17:10:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8498314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyHorizon94/pseuds/LadyHorizon94
Summary: Blue just wants everyone to be happy. Red just wants not to be scared anymore. Papyrus just wants Red.Underfell AU Underswap AU WARNING: ABUSE, SEXUAL, PHYSICAL AND MENTAL, POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDERSUPER IMPORTANT EDIT AT THE BEGINING!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [autumnlibrarian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumnlibrarian/gifts).



> Okay guys.... I'm terrible sorry I haven't updating the story. Uni has been keeping me busy and to be honest... my emotional state hasn't been the best lately. But don't worry! I'm not abandoning this story :D I love writing this! However, this is going to be slowbuilt since I need to set up a looot of stuff.... So if you like quicker stuff this might not be your thing. And I'm not going to be able to update as quickly as before even though I would love to ): But I'm still happy that ppl are reading my stories <3 Almost everyday, when I check my email someone has left me kudos and I love that <3 You're wonderful <333
> 
> SUPER IMPORTANT EDIT PLEASE READ: I have seen a lot of people freak out all around the web because of Trump... And I want to help somehow. It may not be much but if you want to talk to someone, I'm here. <3 If you want, I have skype, facebook and deviantart, though I prefer skype. I don't have tumblr but I can make one at least for a while. And I want you to know that this is simply an offer and not an obligation. I have heard that a lot of people are scared and terrified and I don't want any of you guys deal with this alone. And trust me, when I say I don't care what you are and won't judge you because of it. You're a muslim? That's cool and beautiful thing! :) I don't think your religion define you or make you a murderer. I'm sure, my dear muslim reader that you are a beautiful person who just want to live in peace. You're a black person? That's wonderful! :) I have always been a bit jealous of that skin tone since it always looks so smooth and good. Also your smiles sometimes seems brighter and more sunny. Your part of LGBTQ? (Hope I wrote this right?) Bruh... me too ^^ I'm actually Bi/pansexual. Despite what people say, we are not dirty or disgusting. We simply want love and there's nothing wrong with that. You're a woman? Woo! Girl power! :D Your body is YOURS and no-one else's. If someone touches you impropriately it's NEVER your fault. AND THIS ALSO CONSIDERS MALES. NO MATTER THE GENDER NO ONE HAS RIGHT TO MOLEST/ASSAULT YOU. Or, if you are straight and male that's also hella fine. I actually get along super well with guys.  
> So... yeah. I can't erase Trump or un-president him... I can only offer this small thing. I don't want anyone to do something rash or fear alone. We don't even have to talk about anything serious :) If you need distraction on these days I'm willing to be there. I'm not American but I want to help somehow. And this offer is also for non-americans. Despite what people say it's okay to be afraid. After all, American politics do affect globally. Stay safe. You may feel like humans are cruel and no-one cares about you. But I do. 
> 
> Stay determined

” _Hey Red, do you want to go with me at the patrol? The more the merrier! “_

 

_“How about we go to the Waterfall? It’s really beautiful there…”_

 

_“Look! I found this anime at the dump! I don’t know what’s it's about but we could give it a go?”_

 

These are just few examples of Blue trying to get Red to go out or socialize more. To do something that might make him feel better – even if it wouldn’t be much.

 

The skeleton  _knows_ it’s not that easy. He  _knows_ that the route to cure Red is long, hard and complicated and it’s not sure if his scared counterpart is ever going to be fully healed.

 

Blue’s phalanges are squeezing hard the plate under the water as he’s doing the dishes. The idea is a bit upsetting – and sad. The small skeleton is not good with all this psychological stuff and… Red’s…  _scars_ make him always shiver. They fill him with fear and anger and everything  _so negative_ he never thought he would be feeling.

 

The abuse Red has experience is screaming the ugliness far beyond Blue’s imagination. It tells him a real horror story.

 

Blue sighs and continues to scrub the plate. The warm, bubbly water feels calming and soothing. Doing housework makes him feel normal. Under these circumstances.

 

And luckily, he’s alone. Red is in their room, sleeping after a bad night and Papyrus is…  _somewhere._ Again. (Has Papyrus been more out of the house than before?)

 

The small skeleton wants to help Red – and he tries so hard to do so. Before, he has succeeded at least partly when the other one started to open up more and go out more. But after…  _that night_ things have gone downhill again.

 

Blue feels nausea creeping in his soul.  _They are brothers… that’s… wrong._ The plate slips away from his grip and drops in the water. The skeleton just stares blankly.

 

He has never known the monster could lose control over their magic like that.

 

The thought is  _horrifying._

 

In that moment, Blue wasn’t really that scared. He was consumed by absurd calmness and he only thought of getting his counterpart better again. It was only afterwards he felt disgusted and terrified.

 

The very next thing he had done was going to the Snowdin forest without telling anyone and just let his magic out. He had freed his magic and raged and cried. When he had calmed down, he had gone back home, bright smile on his face.

 

He can’t let Red know how he feels. Because… He’s so  _selfish._ This isn’t about him. This is about Red. Red is the one who has suffered, who has been abused, who has been –

 

Blue takes the plate quickly and start to wipe it dry almost violently. Their guest just… has made the skeleton think things differently. Has made Blue  _seeing_ things differently.

 

Red is technically him. He comes from the alternative universe… Or that’s what Papy has said.

 

If that the case then… what made Red’s home so terrible? What happened? Could… the same thing happen in Blue’s home? Could… someone do that to him?

 

The young male could see that… thing between Red’s legs. Before, Blue hasn’t really been sure what to make all this “mating” stuff but now…

 

He doesn’t want to anything to do with it. Not if it can broke monsters like that.

Sometimes, when he sees Red, he almost can see himself on his place – heck, Red  _**is** _ him. And it’s so… frightening.

 

On the other hand these fears seem almost silly sometimes. They remind him how he used to fear humans, imaging them being these weird, creepy creatures under his bed, getting him with their determination.

 

Blue would always run in his parent’s bedroom. His father would smile gently and a bit playfully.  _“Humans? In this house! That is indeed problematic!”_ Dad had lifted him on his lap and Blue had pressed his head on his father’s nightshirt.  _“But see, Sans. They will be gone by morning. After all, they’re dealing with the member of the Royal Guard and his right hand man Sans!”_

 

Blue had giggled, soul swelling with pride. He hadn’t been able to think about anything else than how cool his parents were. His father being part of the Royal Guard and his mother working as the Royal Scientist.

 

Sometimes, Blue hopes his father would be here. He would know what to do.

 

But he isn’t. The small skeleton has to do what he can. And right now he can only hide his fears from Red. He doesn’t want to upset Red any more than necessary. Besides… If Blue’s able to see possible (gruesome) outcomes in Red then perhaps his counterpart is able to see lighter version. That he too has a chance to be happy – that he  _**deserves** _ to be happy.

 

That’s why he smiles. That’s why he keeps his fears, doubts and worries to himself. Most of the time.

 

He’s actually gotten used to it. Papyrus has many worries and much pressure. When their father died and mother vanished, Papy was there, always. He practically raised Blue.

 

The small skeleton can’t help but to feel responsible and guilty about that time to time. Papy has used so much time to take care of Blue that he has partly neglecting himself. For years.

 

And… That’s not good. Blue has tried to tell this. Tried to get Papyrus at least take that damn sock off the floor but Papy only chuckles and pats him on his head.

 

So, Blue smiles, for them. It’s all he can do.

 

The small skeleton puts the plate aside and starts to scrub the other one. Sometimes… he just feels it’s not enough. He wants to help! He wants to help so many monsters but…

 

…He’s only a one HP monster. Normally, it doesn’t bother him. Before he has felt so.. magnificent. That’s what his parents used to call him. And until now, it had made sense.

 

But… Is he really magnificent if he can’t help Red? And now even Papyrus has been more distant and quiet lately. It feels… lonely.

 

He knows why though. Fell… The other Papyrus has caused so much pain to his brother it’s almost impossible for Papy to approach Red. There’s always an invisible wall between them, thick awkwardness floating in the room.

 

Blue tries his best to reassure Papy that it’s not his fault. That is not him. And at the same time he tries to comfort Red and tell him that there’s no rush. That Papy understands and they have all the time in the world.

 

And they have… Don’t they?

 

_Of course we have…_ The small skeleton thinks as he finishes. He pulls the plug and watches absently as the water gets sucked in.  _Fell can’t come in here. Papy said so…_

 

He knows this with his commonsense. But… apparently his dreams didn’t. Ever since  _that_ evening Blue has been getting nightmares. There’s always taller, meaner looking Papyrus with snake like tongue and sharp teeth. Everything is so cold and dark. The tall Papyrus is chasing him with his sharp, shimmering sword. 

 

Blue runs with heavy legs, until he just suddenly feels too heavy and he falls onto his knees, unable to move –

 

He can hear the monstrous version of Papy getting closer, the sound of breathing getting nearer and the steps echoing more firmly.

 

Every single time Blue tries to struggle but in vain. His legs simply refuse to move. His soul is pounding hard and suddenly, there’s glowing. And when the small skeleton looks down, he sees that it coming between his legs –

 

That’s the part where he usually wakes up. Struggling for air, listening to silence and letting it to lull him into calmness. Then he just… covers himself completely with blanked curling into himself trying to fall asleep again. Trying to desperately make himself to understand that it  _was just a dream._

 

This is another thing he hasn’t told to Papy. And especially not Red. They both have too much in their life right now. Blue needs help the least if at all.

 

Besides, despite all of his fears and worries he is fine! Really! These two skeleton need him and he needs to put his own feelings aside in order to help them! That’s what Royal Guardsmen did! That’s what his  _father_ did!

 

_There’s really weird aura around dad tonight. The small skeleton can sense it. As soon as dad came home, he has got off the armor putting on the normal clothes quickly like it's burning him._

 

_But throughout the day he just smiles, complementing Blue’s drawings and laughing at Papy’s jokes and puns. He kisses their mother on the cheek – all in all, acting completely normal. But… Little Blueberry notices it._

 

_The smile doesn’t reach his eyes. His laughter is… hollow. Not rich and bubbling with joy like usual. It worries the little child… Dad isn’t usually like this… Dad’s not supposed to be like this. Dad’s supposed to be happy and relax after a long day protecting the Underground – and being cool while doing that, of course._

 

_Papy doesn’t seem to notice. Their mother is clever and cool so of course she knows right away something’s up. She keeps glancing at her man worried and questioning but doesn’t say anything._

 

_The atmosphere at the house is slightly more tense and Sans feels slightly frustrated. He wants to help! He wants to know what’s wrong! He knows their parents’ work is so important they can’t really talk about it but…_

 

_…They always tell Sans and Papyrus to solve the conflict by talking instead of fighting or keeping it in!_

 

_So, determined, little skeleton marches on his parents’ bedroom. He’s about to knock – he is, after all very polite! – but he stops as he hears something. Sobbing._

 

_This confuses Sans and startles him a bit. The boy has never heard the man cry before. Was he scared? Sad? But… He has never even considered that a royal guardsman would feel like that! They are so cool and strong and, and, and…_

 

_Sans shakes his head quickly. No, no. This is his dad and Sans is there to help him! The small skeleton forgets to knock entirely as he just slams the door open._

 

_There, sits his dad with simple white dress shirt and black pants, face on his hands. The man hasn’t even noticed his son’s arrival._

 

_Something squeezes Sans’ soul and he just stares for a moment. He has never seen his father this… small and fragile. Like he could broke by the slightest touch._

 

_It upsets Sans. He doesn’t want to see the man like this! Something terrible must have happened if it has made the guardsman like this._

 

_Slowly, hesitatingly, the little skeleton tiptoes to his father, not removing his gaze. When he’s in front of the man, he slowly extends his hand and touches slightly his father’s leg._

 

_Gaster lowers his hands and stares at his son for a moment. Purple tears are rolling down his cheekbones and…_

 

_To Sans, he just looks so, so tired and sad. Worry grows in the child and he can almost feel the burning behind his own eye sockets._

 

_“Dad…? What’s wrong…? Are… are you hurt? If you are, you should see a healer!” Sans doesn’t want dad to be hurt! Last time was so scary!_

 

_“Sans,” Dad sighs with a whisper. “You should be in bed…”_

 

_“There’s still hour to my bed time!” Sans informs. “Where… where does it hurt? I can bring mommy and – “_

 

_“No!” Sans flinches at the harsh tone of his father. The boy’s soul jumps and now he truly feels like crying._

 

_“B-but… Your wounds – “_

 

_“Oh Sans,” Gaster seems to notice his son’s distress and he lifts the small skeleton to his lap. “I’m not hurt. Not physically at least.”_

 

_“Then why were you crying?” Sans ask his eyes full with sad curiosity._

 

_“It’s complicated… And nothing to worry yourself about,” The man summons a smile on his face but tears are still present._

 

_Sans… Doesn’t like this. None of his family member should feel like this! Not on his watch! “But you were crying! I want to help! You always say me and Papy should talk, if we’re feeling sad!”_

 

_Gaster smiles still, but it still doesn't look happy. “Yes… But this is different, Sans. I am a royal guardsman. The duties and burdens I have are mine alone to carry.”_

 

_It sounds so terrible lonely to the child. And unfair. “Why?! You feel sad!”_

 

_Dad sighs again, looking much older than he actually is. “Sans… I know you are a bit young and this might be hard to understand but what I feel doesn’t matter. A royal guardsman must put his own thoughts and emotions aside. The good of everyone comes always first. And what kind of father would I be, if I saddened you and your mom with things like this? Just like you want to protect me by asking me what is wrong, I can’t give you the answer. You, Papyrus, Arial… You mean so much to me. I want to protect you.”_

 

_Sans feels warmth filling his soul and pride rising inside him. His dad was so cool… Coolest monster in the Underground! (Of course, Papy and mom were amazingly cool too!)_

 

_Dad’s work just seemed so lonely… Sans didn’t want dad to be alone! “Then… Train me!” He asks enthusiastically, jumping a bit on the lap. Gaster’s eye-socket widens a bit and he looked surprised._

 

_“Train…?”_

 

_“Yeah!” Sans nods happily. “Pleasee?”_

 

_“But… My dear boy, you only have one HP – “_

 

_“I know!” Sans rushes his soul pounding in his chest. “Mom has only three though. And I if I become a royal guardsman too, you wouldn’t so lonely!”_

 

_“Sans… I don’t know…” His dad looks extremely hesitant._

 

_Sans inhaled. Alright, it’s time to use his special trick he has learned recently… It’s just perfect for the situations like this. He focuses his magic on his eye-sockets and stares at his dad. Soon, his magic has shaped into two sparkling blue stars. “Please! I promise I’ll be careful! I’ll do everything you say! I can just watch at first!”_

 

_Gaster doesn’t seem to even listen as he stares at his son’s eyes with mouth open and face full of disbelief. “H-How?”_

 

_The small skeleton tilts his head with confusion. “How… what?”_

 

_“Your eyes… How are you doing that?!”_

 

_“Oh! I just thought one day that our normal eye-sockets are kind of boring and Papy told me that they are full of magic too so I wanted to make them look more interesting! It took a while but since I’m magnificent, I finally did it!” Sans giggled with bright “Mwehehehee.”_

 

_“Sans… this is… This is wonderful! Such a control in magic at such a young age!” Gaster beamed to Sans delight. He giggled more feeling giddy from dad’s pride._

 

_“Sooo…. Does this mean you will train me?” He asks hopefully glancing the adult with his starry eyes._

 

_Gaster sighs, thinking. “I’ll think about it and discuss the matter with your mom. And if – IF – I train you, you must do exactly as I say, and never train alone. I’ll probably bring along one of my student too so you must listen to them as well. Understood?”_

 

_It isn’t a promise. Not really. But it’s more than enough for Sans, who agrees eagerly._

 

Blue’s mother had agreed on one condition: That she and Papyrus would also be there watching. Since the child always had been secretly sad that both of his parents where so busy all the time he had beamed at the idea.

 

…Papy on the other hand.

 

The memory still made Blue sigh with tiredness. He had fought with their dad, convinced that his little brother was  _too weak –_

 

Well, everyone still thinks that.

 

Alphys doesn’t train him. Or she  _does_ but she’s super careful – which Blue can understand, she is the captain after all! And good captain always takes care of his or hers guards! And cooking lessons are fun!

 

And there’s no really rush. Underground is calm and safe place… For now.

 

The fear of the other Papyrys’ possible coming has made Blue memorize everything his father ever taught him – and… well… truth to be told he has been training secretly alone for some time. It’s not that he doesn’t believe in Alphys or anything! It’s just…

 

He wants to be in a guard already and he wants to control his magic better.  _He wants to protect everyone._

 

Of course, battle skills are just part of that. He needs to push his own personal fears and worries aside.

 

The skeleton knows he gets easily excited and has action figures and homemade battle body… but… sometimes… he just feels a bit embarrassed when people treat him like a child and smile at him on a certain way…

 

But Blue has also noticed that somehow, they like that. Everyone gets so sad sometimes, being trapped down here so…

 

So… If it makes everyone happy, he would keep the smile on his face. He would let Papy read him a bed time story – of course he enjoys the fluffy bunny! He loves fairytales even now! But Blue has noticed that it calms the older one down and seems to reduce his stress.

 

And boy does Papyrus have stress… He’s tired all the time and so… passive. It’s always so scary and it makes Blue to nag Papy. To get up, to do something. That empty gaze is just too scary…

 

When Red arrived, the taller skeleton started to light up more in a strange way. He was very protective of their new guest and tried to make them laugh a lot –

 

Him and Red also fight a lot… especially about Fell… and…

 

…Blue isn’t exactly sure what’s wrong now but Papy looks Red weirdly, looking incredibly sad and frustrated. He tries to act like it doesn’t exist. Big brother always takes this lazy fake grin on his face, like nothing is wrong.

 

The small skeleton wants to ask what’s wrong. He wants to get Red open up more and help the two to communicate more.

 

But he fears he would only make everything worse.

 

So all Blue can do is smile and be there for them.

 

The small skeleton can hear the door open and suddenly he realizes that he has just stood there, the plate on his hand. The water is already cold.

 

Oh, for Toriel’s sake! This isn’t like him at all! By now, he should have finished and started to clean the house.

 

It’s bad if Papy notices this. He puts the plate away quickly, starting to scrub a pair of forks with power.

 

“Hi, bro,” Papy says as he steps in the kitchen. He sounds nearly normal. Like there’s nothing wrong. But Blue  _knows._

 

He has noticed the increasing smoking, the dark circles under eye-sockets, the tension…

 

“Hi Papy!” the small skeleton answers cheerfully. Everyone always says he’s undergrounds sunshine. If so, he should be able to lighten up this house. He should turn around and flash a wide smile like always.

 

For some reason, it’s hard today. He focuses on the dishes, wishing untypically that Papy would go away. He simply doesn’t want his brother or Red see him like this.

 

_Confused, sad._

 

_**Helpless.** _

 

Instead, Blue hears how the fridge's door opens. “Ah, man I’m hungry. That work surely takes a lot of my energy.”

 

Here they go again. A forced conversation. A thin attempted to go back to their everyday life.

 

But how can Blue even do something like that? After what he has heard? That there is a world where Snowdin is covered with dust? Where monsters killed each other if someone even looked a monster in a wrong way.

 

_**Where it’s okay for a brother to –** _

 

No no no, happy thoughts,  _happy thoughts._ For Red. For Papy and everyone around him! It’s not like he’s useful in any other way, for now at least. “You’re just lazy Papy!” Blue forces out. His voice is a bit too high to be convincing. Blue can feel his big brother’s eyes on him even though he can’t see the other. Like a machine, he wipes the fork dry, moving to a glass next.

 

“Bro… Is everything… Okay?”

 

That small question is causing small skeleton’s soul pulse once. No, that’s the question he should ask! His worries are nothing! Nothing at all!

 

Then it hits him:

 

He’s so utterly  _**S E L F I S H** _ Blue has absolutely nothing to worry about! He has perfect home, the world’s coolest brother… And there he is, pitying himself. He should be stronger than this!

 

Blue feels something burning behind his eye sockets.  Stars, not now. He  _knows_ he cries easily but this is just embarrassing! The small skeleton feels sick as he realizes how small things he has cried in the past – for example while watching Napstatton’s movies – while Red has probably cried over and  _over_ when his brother –

 

“Bro?”

 

“Everything’s fine, Papy!” He announces quickly.

 

The taller one sighs. “Look… I know it’s not true,” his brother voice doesn’t leave any room for protests and Blue’s breath gets stuck somewhere in his throat. “You have not been yourself lately. Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

 

_How can I if you’re not telling me anything?_ “I’m just tired, it’s okay – “

 

“If it’s about Red – “

 

“No! It’s not that!” Blue shouts turning finally around to face his worried brother. The other one looks a bit taken back from the smaller one’s sudden burst.

 

“Then... what's it about?” Papy asks silently, stern expression creeping on his face. The smaller skeleton knows his brother's is not going give up. Blue feels disappointed in himself. He should have done better job than this...

 

Dad always managed to smile no matter how bad the day had been.

 

“Can we just... drop this?” Blue whispers avoiding eye-contact. He doesn't want to do this. He's sad and worried yes, but it's nothing. Just worry.

 

“No, something's up. I know it. I have noticed it earlier... I didn't say anything because I thought you would come to talk to me eventually, but... Please, little bro. It's not healthy to keep heavy stuff bottled up.”

 

_Speak for yourself..._ small, glowed hands are squeezing around a sink. But maybe... if he talked, maybe Papy would also, finally...

 

“...Do you ever... just... think what might have happened if things were different?” The small skeleton starts hesitatingly. He hasn't never noticed how interesting color their floor had. Such a warm, brown and reddish...

 

...Is this floor ugly mix of gray from all the monster dust at Red's home? Maybe marrow stains decorated it from all the abuse? The skeleton feels sick

 

“What do you mean?” The brother's voice is silent and a bit strained. Blue is torn weather to continue or not. Then again, he has a feeling it's too late to turn back now.

 

“Could... Something like that happen to me? What if... I was in Red's place?” His voice shakes and the burning behind his eye-sockets is back stronger than ever. Fear is also there. He used to be afraid of dark, of humans under his bed, of... all kind of silly things.

 

Except... He never considered them silly before. But... Now...

 

“Sans... I would  _never_ do something like that to you!” Papy's voice comes out as a growl and the smaller winches feeling guilt stabbing him right in his soul. He didn't mean it like that! Of course Papy would never do anything like that!

 

“I know that!” Blue shouts out finally looking at his brother again. A strange coldness is radiating from Papyrus' eye-sockets and now the smaller skeleton starts to feel  _really_ bad. “...I just... what if... Fell...  _That other_ comes here and...” Blue can't finish the sentence. He really can't... vivid pictures of Red's panic attack's consume his mind. Burning gets worse -

 

Suddenly, warmth surrounds him and he smells that soothing combination of honey and cigarettes. (Though he doesn't approve Papys' smoking habits.)

 

“He can't,” Papy says with a heavy certainty. It should ease Blue, and it usually does but -

“How can you be so sure?” He whispers weakly. What if Papy had been wrong? What if there still was a way?

 

“Me and Undyne have checked the wall between our universes... It has closed securely. Trust me. Nothing can come through... Or leave,” Papyrus tells him. It's as if his voice has a hint of doubt in his voice but maybe he's imaging it.

 

“Yeah... If you say so.” Blue mutters, conjuring a wide and bright smile on his face. “Thank you! I feel much better now!” He lies. He doesn't actually know if that's the case or not but he has already pushed too much of his burden to Papyrus. He should be happy, careless, innocent little skeleton like everyone wants him to be. That’s what lights everyone up. The hope that anyone can be happy even in here in the darkness…

 

Papyrus doubts for a moment, looking at Blue but relaxing then for the smaller one’s relieve. Papy believed it. Good. “How about you brother? Are you alright?” He tries not to make his tone too pressuring or worried.

 

Papyrus smiles tiredly. “What makes you think that? Of course I’m fine,” the words are plastic and they don’t appear to be honest… Normally Blue would let it slide. Before it hadn’t worked so well to get his brother to open up but now he just can’t let it slide. Papy has been  _too_ tired,  _too_ much away from the house – at some point even not coming back for a night and it’s scary. Also, sometimes cold aura is radiating from his brother and then he looks a bit… distant. Like he’s on his own world of anger. Blue understands if he saw a version of his brother being violated like that, he would be  _enraged._

 

“W-well, you’re more away from home than you used to be and… you look so sad and mad… I mean I get why you do but… I just wish… you could talk to me about it…” Blue doesn’t really look at Papy. 

 

A sigh. “I just… Need some time alone time to time. Sorry to worry you, bro.” He looks exhausted and somehow older.

 

“Is there… anything I can do to help?” Blue asks. He wants to help his brother, he wants to  _do something for once._ (But everyone always takes his offering as if they were nothing more than a cute gestures of a worried child.) 

 

“Nah, I can manage. It’s okay,” The taller one says with a weak grin. Before Blue can ask further questions Papy pats him on the head and leaves the kitchen.

 

The younger brother feels a quick gush of irritation and frustration but he swallows it down and tries to comfort himself. At least there is one thing  _he can do._ And that’s training. 

 

Not with Alphys. It doesn't really help him to improve or help him defend himself.

 

Instead, Blue trains alone. Deep, deep within Snowdin forest lies a large clearing surrounded by thick bushes and trees. It’s nearly impossible to find if no one knows how. Blue has dragged some old training dummies from the Dump there. It’s his own secret base, safe for training and thinking.

 

Blue looks at the clock. He would have to dry the dishes quickly. After that, he would tell Papy that he would go to check his puzzles. Papy never suspects anything and Red… isn’t that interested in his or Papy’s errands.

 

The thought about getting stronger gives little skeleton a new boost. He starts again, thinking only about getting stronger.

 

He  **needs** to get stronger. Just in case. 

 

So he wouldn’t end up like Red.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy long time no see! Sorry about that! I had school stuff and then flu! Also we had a tragic in our family but I managed to finish it! This chapter is a notch calmer and sorry if it's boring!

Red squeezes book in his hands, trying to focus the letters on the yellowish paper. He tries to push away dark, heavy thoughts that lingers at the edges of his consciousness, stalking him. Waiting...

                     

                      The skeleton wouldn't let them win. Not this time. He is already ashamed how often he had cried and showed his weakness in front of his hosts... So he distracts himself and try to loose himself in the world of science – in this case quantum physics.

                     

                      Though this time it's hard. The letters seem to dance, mixing into blurry dots of black spots on paper. He has to read the same sentence twice or thrice before he actually understands anything.

                     

                      And it's _so hard_ to find comfortable reading position. Nothing feels good. The mattress feels too soft against his bones and his joints starts to ache.

                     

                      But he has to try. He doesn't anything else to do now that Blue is somewhere and things with Papyrus are awkward -      

                     

                      Red twitches with guilt. He shouldn't have talked about Grillby at all... He shouldn't act like that when Papyrus is near.

                     

                      But.. he just can't help it. Papyrus reminds him too much of Fell... That face alone brings back all the memories and feelings -

                     

                      Red doesn't want that. It's not the tall skeleton's fault – heck he _is_ a good guy. His puns are spot on, sharp and clever. Maybe they contain little too much of lighter humor which Red is not that fond of, but they are funny nonetheless...

 

                      The problem is...  _He doesn't get it._ Papyrus doesn't understand that this is not Red's place. This is not where he belongs. Everything is so weird and backwards and it almost doesn't make sense to the small skeleton.

                     

                      Or... Maybe the problem is Red... After all, this is where he has to live now. There's no going back ever again. He should just accept it and try to live with that.

                     

                      _He should be happy._ He's safe. No one is going to hurt him anymore. No one can. No one will.

                     

                      Instead he has locked himself inside this childish room. It's so hard to comprehend how kind everyone is... For some reason it just makes everything _worse._ The kindness is terrifying and weird to Red. All those kind smiles and concerned looks from townsfolk made his soul race in panic when he still was able to go out.

                     

                      He was so different from the others. He stood out as he had walked with Papyrus and Blue in the town. All the time, he had felt like he was being _watched_ and _judged._ Like behind those bright smiles, all the monsters just _knew_ all his secrets and all that had happened -

                     

                      It had made Red's throat feel tight and soul heavy. He had swallowed all the anxiety attacks in public because no one just _couldn't_ see him like that!

                     

                      That... Magic incident on that awful night had been last straw. Red hasn't _wanted_ to go out anymore. What if... _it_ happened out there...? What if someone tried to use the situation for -

                     

                      There it is again. Tightness in his throat. It feels like the walls are falling on him. Papyrus in here would tell him that of course that wouldn't happen and Red understands this with his common sense.

 

                      His feelings don't. They whisper him how anyone in this world could be a threat – why else would they need the Royal Guard? And that smiling and kindness seems a bit too suspicious...

                     

                      Red wants to switch them off. He doesn't want to feel these things. They only make him weak. A prey. Not only those random encounter makes him feeling like this but so many other things as well. They pile up and mingle together into ugly mess no one can help him out of.

                     

                      He doesn't know what he feels towards _this_ Papyrus. His face is much softer and his voice is much more sadder. He has gone through resets and tries to help Red. But...

                     

                      This Papyrus reminds Red how _his_ brother should have been. Every time he watches Blue’s interaction with his brother it just hurts. Papyrus tries to help Red but every time they repeat the same fights like a broken record.

 

                      But the small skeleton doesn’t want to fear Papyrus. His sense of humor is wonderful and before… **that night** Papyrus actually managed to make Red smile and laugh. And in return, he laughed at the smaller skeleton’s dark humor.

 

                      It had been odd. To hear himself laugh and to hear Papyrus – _Papyrus_ – laugh. As a captain of Royal Guard Fell had never even a single chuckle get pass his mouth.

                     

                      This is why Red _wants_ to hang out with Papyrus. He doesn’t want to be scared anymore! It’s so pathetic and frustrating… Blue keeps babbling on and on about patient but…

                     

                      Like sand, it’s running through the skeleton’s phalanges. And it makes him angry. It boils inside, bursting and exploding on those terrible fights he has with Papyrus.

                     

                      Red feels sick as he memorizes them. He knows Papyrus is just worried. He _knows_ this inside his head. But in his soul that cursed fear is blocking everything and all he can see is Fell. His angry brother ready to punish and –

                     

                      Anger flows again through his soul fear accompanying it. Red closes the book loud _thud_ echoing in the room.

                     

                      He hates these fights, he really does. But… They don’t know the whole truth. They don’t know it, because Red has hard time to admit it even to himself.

                     

                      That he kind of hates his brother.

                      Oh, but Fell is still his brother, his little brother who kept eying him worriedly when he got tired easily, who kept asking worried questions from father about his HP, and who burst into tears after he got better after illness –

                     

                      Red fears Fell and hates him. But he can’t just dismiss their good moments. And after all, wasn’t it the world they lived in and his own weakness…?

                     

                      But the things he did to Red… **The things he did to Grillby –**

The fights with Papyrus always wake up the fear and rage. Especially when Papyrus just doesn’t understand.

                     

                      But what is the most terrible is how this Papyrus even dares to doubt Grillby.

                     

                      _“I love you.”_ The only person who has said those words with so much sincere since his parents… The only one who actually cared.

                     

                      So when Papyrus even dares to hint that it isn’t real –

                     

                      That Grillby isn’t any special –

                     

                      That he would be like anyone else –

                     

                      It’s terrifying and horrible. The moment Red heard those accusations he wanted to slam his hands on his earholes.

                     

                      He’s still mad at Papyrus. And feeling guilty about it at the same time. Especially when the taller one has been quieter and more absent… It… It seems he’s angry with Red.

                     

                      Angry Papyrus. The thought starts to sink in again and bad memories pop up like always. His throat feels tight and suddenly the air seems to go away completely. The magic in his core is gyrating around restlessly.

                     

                      Another anxiety attack. Another moment of weakness.                    

                     

                      He doesn’t want this.

                     

                      Red leans towards, putting the book aside. He curls into a little ball and closes his eyes trying to breath slowly and thinking something – _anything –_ soothing.

                     

                      He tries to think of his parents. Tries to remember dad’s a bit melancholy smile and his mother’s tight, lingering hugs. The skeleton tries to focus on purple flames and soft tune that kept him calm. Reset after reset Grillby has sung it to him and even though he can’t remember the lyrics, the melody is easy to bring back to his mind.

                     

                      He hums it silently and even though bad thoughts try to invade his mind and the attack seems to last forever it’s not as bad… (It’s never that bad when that melody is softly playing in his head.)

                     

                      When Red calms down he just stares the wall. He used fight back. He used to be tough. Used to. Now he’s just a coward without a way back. A monster in distress to Grillby. To Blue he is an injured animal to be taken care of. To Papyrus he’s a –

                     

                      He’s not exactly sure. To Red, Papyrus is a possible second chance. He hopes he could be normal and they could have a stable friendship.

                     

                      But what if Papyrus sees Red as a burden…? After all he has acted like a spoiled brat towards taller one not accepting his help.            

                     

                      Oh stars, what if he blew it up? Is that why Papyrus has been so distant? And how could they even have such a friendship if the small skeleton gets startled by ridiculously small things?

 

                      He just wants all this to end. The room is drowning him like it has been doing for past days. Red wants out. He wants to get used to this world and monsters in it.

                     

                      _He doesn’t want to live in fear anymore._

But the idea of marching on the streets of Snowdin sounds too overwhelming. The town folk are a curious bunch with swapped faces looking at him with smiles on their faces. There are not many monsters in the village but it still makes lump in Red’s chest tighten.

                     

                      He could go to waterfall. He has always loved the place and would go there to calm down… But he doesn’t know if he’s ready for that. Capital and Hotland are out of question.

                     

                      Red knows that the only way to get used his new life is to get used to other monsters… He just… is not very good at that anymore.

                     

                      He needs to start slowly. With baby steps.

                     

                      Then it hits him: He remembers his small secret base that neither his brother or Grillby knew nothing of. He hadn’t used it so often during last few resets since Fell had been on his neck all the time and in the end, the flame monster had become his most dear save place. In fact, he had almost forgotten the whole place.

                     

                      It’s a small clearing deep in the Snowdin Forest. The place is surrounded by a thick grove. Red could kick himself for being so stupid. It would be perfect place to start! Familiar, safe and no-one else knew about it!

                     

                      Maybe he could deport the dark thoughts away even if only for a moment. So he teleported –

                     

                      -Only to see a row of bones flying towards him with a speed of a lightning. His instinct caught on instantly and he managed to block them conjuring a shielding row of his own bones. His soul starts to pound recklessly and he looks around himself to detect any threat.

                     

                      Has he been wrong?! Has someone waited him here wanting to attack him? How did they know?! What did they want with him?!            

                     

                      “Red! Oh my stars, I’m so sorry! I didn’t hit you did I? Are you alright?!” Worried voice yells making the red skeleton snap out of his paranoid thoughts. He sees Blue eyeing him with severe concern. He’s about five steps away.

                     

                      Red is confused and for a moment he thinks he has teleported in wrong place. But when he looks around, it’s his same old safe base.

                     

                      Except… There are dummies surrounding the clearing forming a creepy circle. Some of them have bones sticking in different directions almost in a gruesome way. Some have been completely torn into pieces.

                     

                      Did Blue do this? And if so then why? He’s the most loving and gentlest person Red has ever stumbled upon. He isn’t violent. So… What the fuck is this?

                     

                      “Red…?” Blue’s voice is suddenly close and it makes the other one nearly jump. He looks at his counterpart who keeps looking at him.

                     

                      “Yeah, ‘m fine,” the other one mutters still confused the whole thing. “But… The hell is going on? Why are you here with all these dummies?”

                     

                      The other one blushes light blue and he scratches his neck. “That’s uh… It’s uh… I’m actually… Training…”

                     

                      Training…? For what? Red thought Alphys is already training him. All though it’s only cooking lessons. Papyrus has explained in hushed tone to Red how they thought Blue is too fragile and too naïve to be in such a job. Encouraging the little skeleton to do different things is better for his future, that’s what the tall skeleton always keeps saying when Blue isn’t near.

                     

                      Red doesn’t really get it though. What’s so bad about learning to fight?! And why is one HP such a preventing thing here?! Gaster and Arial started to train their sons when they were young making still sure that they weren’t hurt during training.

                                           

                      _Sans feels exhausted. On the corner of his eye he can see that Papyrus is tired too. There is sweat on his forehead, but at least little brother doesn’t seem so spend. Man, Papyrus is so cool._

_On the contrary Sans feels nauseated. His head spins and he can hear a ringing in his earholes. The boy closes his eyes wanting just it to end._

_“Sans!” His mom’s voice sounds slightly panicky and soon he feels soothing, long and delicate phalanges on his cheek bones. He can feel his mother checking him._

_“Mom… it’s okay…” The child mutters as he opens he eye-sockets to meet Arial’s red one’s. The woman squints her almost almond shaped eye sockets._

_“You better not downplay your condition, mister…” She mutters with stern tone staring at his son tightly. Mom always manages to look a bit intimidating in her armor._

_“Yeah! You better not!” Papyrus folds his arms and tries hard to look as strict as Arial. The woman turns to look at her youngest one. Her mouth twitches as she tries to fight against a smile._

_“Same goes to you, Papyrus,” Arial retorts as she then turn to check her youngest child. Sans giggles tiredly as the taller child lets out a whine._

_“But mom! I’m alright! I’m more worried about you and Sans! You both have such a low HP! And you work as an official guard… and you… you often get hurt…” The child’s voice gets more silent at the end of the sentence. Sans feels shiver going up along his spine. Oh, they are entering into this area…_

_Even though Sans is young he isn’t stupid. He knows they are one of the few families in the Underground that actually cares for each other. The boy also knows there’s something really fishy going on about mom’s and daddy’s job. They always look so sad when they leave and even scared. Sometimes Mom comes back with injuries and her face so furious Sans is too scared to ask what’s wrong. Dad is always so tired. Sometimes the house is full of guards, putting the whole place upside down. On those days, the children have to stay upstairs and be quiet, wait until the whole thing is over._

_When mom and dad leave the house at morning, they always talk and hug like they feared they would never see each other again… It was unsettling and little boy tries often ask, what’s wrong but they never answer. His mother just stiffs and tells her elder not to worry about it. His dad just says the same thing with a tired sigh and a pat on Sans’ head._

_They don’t look like they enjoy their job at all… they are downright afraid. And… their eldest is only dragging them down and slowing them. He gets tired easily, he gets sick easily and every time the family is outside they have to keep an eye on Sans. Heck, even Papyrus is the one taking care of him and not the other way round._

_Sans feels guilty. He should be the one in charge! He’s the big brother!_

_Arial twitches and for a second the observant little boy sees the normally so well hidden fear, flashing quickly on her face. A grip from the sword tightens just for the second, before the woman just conjures smile on her face. “Oh, Papyrus, it’s fine. I have… gotten used to this. I can manage just fine. And, if you eat a lot of vegetables, you will grow as strong as your mother!” At this, she grinned, row of sharp teeth showing as she lifted Papyrus up. The small child giggled in delight._

_Sans could only look at them and feel so proud for his family. On that day, he promised himself he would do anything to become strong and independent. He would become like his mother: Cool and strong, with fire burning in his soul. And like his father he would become also collected and strong in magic._

It’s laughable how easily his promise had fallen. Like a weakling, he had broken down right after dad’s passing. Like a coward, he had allowed Fell become a bloodthirsty beast with vile perverted needs…

                     

                      But… Training had saved his ass more than once. Without it, Sans would be dead.

                     

                      However… This isn’t his universe. There’s no threat. Or is it just a way to pass a time? Well, if it is… then these bastards are lucky. Envy and jealousy starts to whirl inside Red. To think he is the unfortunate Sans, the one with the bad luck. The poor thing to be pitied.

                     

                      Blue still doesn’t answer. He is suddenly very flustered and doesn’t look at his counterpart. Worry and hesitation are written all over on those light blue eyes.

                     

                      “Just fucking answer, Blue!” Red snaps. He’s so tired of being pampered and how everyone just tiptoe around him. He just… He just wants to not being so weak and those moments remind him how he hasn’t changed at all. How he’s still on other monster’s mercy.

                     

                      Blue startles and the other one feels immediately bad for yelling. Which only bring another punch on his self-loathing. (God, why Grillby even _loved_ him? He should have gone with that Muffet. The spider lady had been fearsome, elegant, educated, rich and owned a business. In other words, perfect match for him)

                     

                      “I train to protect you and the others just in case Fell comes here!” Blue yells suddenly and the words come out quickly and nearly mushed together, but Red manages to hear them anyway. The answer freezes him as he can only stare at his childish counterpart in shock.

                     

                      Protect… From Fell?

                     

                      But the Boss couldn’t get in here, could he? Papyrus had said so, he had _promised_ so…

                     

                      On the other hand… Fell had Alphys. What if she has managed to find a way in here?! _Think this through logically… Papyrus in here is a science guy… like you._ “Papyrus said he can’t…” Red can hear the doubt from his own voice and he feels the anxiety attack rising like a tall, dark wave, consuming him whole.

                     

                      They appear again, those invisible hands strangling him as his thoughts start to blacken and swirl around like some sort of sick merry go round. Red tries to break the cycle of destructive thoughts but it’s no use (it never is.)

                     

                      Blue is right by his side in a flash. He doesn’t touch Red, from which the scarry skeleton is grateful for. “Red… breath… listen to me… there you go…” He instructed just being his friend’s side.

                     

When Red finally calmes down, the awkward silence falls between them. The small monster is.  ashamed of himself. Why does he always does this?! Show his weakness so easily… _Again._ He grits his teeth and stands up, trying to block all the pain away. Blue still eyes him like he is a prey. It’s so… annoying. Blue wouldn’t survive a day in Red’s universe. The sweet little skeleton would be teared to shred. _He_ survived that hell… _He_ got out.

 

But it was only an accident. He didin’t really do it on his own. Half of it was Grillby –

 

Again this cursed cycle. Cycle, which starts with Fell, circles around Blue and Papyrus and ends with Grillby along with regret and guilt.

                     

“R-Red… I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have – “

                     

“ _Stop,”_ Red growled. He doesn’t want to hear it right now. Sure, he’s breaking apart and the easiest thing to do would be run back to his new home to his room. He wouldn’t do it. This is his life now. This is where he is and he can’t change that. Red may not be happy about it but that’s just how it is. The skeleton closes his eyes and sighes deeply. “Look… It’s okay. _I’m_ okay now… Sorry to mess up your training.” He starts to walk away trying to escape slightly awkward situation trying to figure out a new place to go. Maybe he should try that shop or maybe library? At least there would be peace and quiet for him –

                     

“No! You didn’t mess up my training!” Little Blue yells running in front of him. “I was just worried I might hit you accidentally! Why did you came here by the way?” The tone isn’t offensive at all and his curious blue eyes are an ephiphany of innocence. Red feels something ugly in him. This could have been him. If only his world was like this –

                     

He wants to laugh at himself. It isn’t _his_ world anymore. This place is. This is why he finally decided to step out. To see the reality, to finally let go of that miserable place. For years, he had been dreaming of this kind of life, not living in fear, not being pinned down by his brother. And now that he has excatly what he has dreamed of, he’s terrified of it.

 

Red shoos away these distracting thoughts trying to focus on Blue. “I just… uh…” Stars, suddenly it’s so stupid. So moronic. “Just… wanted to take a look around… You know… Just to see what this place is like. He shifts his leg waiting for it to come….

 

Right on cue his counterpart gasps, surprised but happy and two little stars appear in his eyesockets. The red skeleton never really got the whole thing. Why would anyone use their magic on such a small and useless trick? Just like Red, Blue got tired easily (though he could apparently hide it better.) “Oh my stars really?! I’m so happy! This is a such a big step!”

 

“Shut up!” Red snapped feeling embarrassment landing inside him. He just stepped out for a bit! Geez… It’s not worth any sort of fuzz.

 

Blue just laughed, careless and bubbly grabbing his counterpart by the hand. “C’mon! I can’t wait to show you all the cool places we have here! I can’t wait to introduce you to others – “

 

Cold wave of threat washed over Red and he pulled his hand away forcefully. “Hey! Slow down a bit! I’m not ready for that yet!” He isn’t exactly that keen on seeing so many monsters at once. Especially when they all were alternatives of those who had either hurt him or who could have easily done so.

 

The other skeleton stopped and looked a bit sad. “Right… sorry I got carried away… again…” He mutters but then smiling gently. “I’m still happy that you are finally outside! Where do you want to go first? Should we get some nice cream? Maybe we should get Papy and – “

 

“No!” That short, sharp word cuts the air like a knife the disappointment and confusion in that short’s skeleton’s face makes Red just want to forget the whole thing and call it off. He sighs, closing his eyes. “Sorry… It just… things are kind of complicated right now…” And it’s kinda his own fault. He shouldn’t have lashed out like that but… it’s a Papyrus. And after that fight the skeleton is not sure what to say to the tall skeleton. This is so tiring. Going back and forth with anger, frustration anxiety and sadness.

 

“Oh… I understand,” Blue answers trying to sound bright and cheerful but the other one sees right through that façade. The literal stars in his eyes flicker and dim. His smile seems more rubbery and forced though he tries to keep it on. “So… uh… What do you want to do? Do you want to explore alone or…?”

 

Red grits his teeth as he mumbles his wish with a barely audible voice. Blue looks at him confused. “Uh… Red? I didn’t hear you…?”

 

“ _I said_ ,” Red starts again, slower words dragging themselves through his gritted sharp teeth reluctantly. “It… wouldn’t be so bad… if…. if you came along…” He deffinetly doesn’t want to go alone. Somehow, Blue always manages to get him calm down and despite his rather childish and naïve tendencies, he isn’t that bad company. In fact, it has been a bit refreshing actually discuss with someone who doesn’t want to kill you or remind you of those who do. (Maybe it’s also the fact that tecnically, Blue is him.)

 

A small delighted gasp could be heard and the stars are back, shining brighter than ever. Red doesn’t really get it. Why is this ray of sunshine so enthuastic and always looking out for him?! He’s always going on and on how busy he is with his puzzles and training and yet, he still has time for Red at any minute of the day if the smaller skeleton needed it. That’s actually distantly similar to Fell. Except… the dark skeleton’s attention hadn’t never meant anything good. He just seemed to be always _there_ even if Red had been seemingly alone.

 

He shudders and pushes the past aside. He’s here now, standing in the middle of the sparkling snow with a harmless version of himself. Not in dust dimmed graveyard of the snowdin, being forcefully kissed and groped by his own brother.

 

“ _I’d love to!”_ Blue nearly shouts with a wide, genuine smile. “Soo… Where do you want to go first?! Or, if you want, we can just hang out here, where it’s pretty calm!”

 

Red freezes realising this is one of those rare occasions that someone actually asks his opinions and feelings of something. Fell always wanted to fully control his life, deciding everything for his brother. Grillby tried to kill his brother without asking Red first and Papyrus in here is constantly telling him how he should feel about Grillby or his brother. Even his parents were constantly looking after him, limiting his life. Though that had been necessary, he had been a weak child.

 

This is… nice. An invisible noose that has been around his neck seems to loosen up and suddenly it’s much easier to breath –

                     

Until the skeleton realizes his mind is completely blank and he has no idea where they should go or where he wants to be. Red had just wanted out, with no specific destination in mind. But staying in here seems pretty stupid. “Uh… you decide,” the male awkwardly mumbles but his counterpart just shakes his head so quickly Red worries it might fall off.

 

“Nuh-uh! This is about what _you_ want! So you decide!” He chirps happily.

 

_What I want…_ Warm and fuzzy feeling spreads inside him and he has to look away feeling the slight blush form. Shit, the hell he is flustered for?!

 

Despite that he still tries to concentrate and think for a propriate place and finally decides it, remembering the time when everything was still alright. When him and Fell had been an actual family. “Waterfall…” He mumbles. He hadn’t been that keen on going there alone, but maybe with Blue it would be actually nice.

 

Blue nods enthuastically. “Sure! I love that place! Let’s go!” He starts walking with fast, bouncy steps which look a bit funny. Red follows after him with lighter, delicate steps. They almost seems like a prey’s gait. The small skeleton had always walked like that. Like waiting for an ambush.

 

However, if someone from Red’s own universe would have seen him now, they could have sworn the steps had a bit more strenght and certainty in them.

        

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! :'DDDDDDDD


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS!!!! I'm super sorry this is late! The reason is, I actually tried to work on a xmas gift for my friend Autumn librarian, which turned to be a work for her birthday but somehow it didn't work out?!!! I couldn't produce anything read worthy for her so I'm gifting this chapter (and fic?!) for her since this is the only work I can apparently write well at the moment! So don't worry! I'm not leaving fandom or getting tired of this work! On the contrary, actually! :) To autumnlibrarian: Sorry for being lazy with your gift, dear ): I hope you like this anyway!

Red is staring passively into the water as they are floating forward. The water is crystal clear and the small skeleton can see every single scar on his body. Tight shame is squeezing his soul and he has to turn his head away. He’s already regretting this… Now that he’s going with Blue, every single monster which passes them can see the difference: Blue’s pearly white bones and Red’s sickly gray one’s full of scars. Blue’s expressive, bright eye-sockets twinkling in the gentle light of Waterfall. Red’s dull, dead eye-sockets which gleamed feverish red hue.

 

He wants to hide in his hood again. Everything is so… clean and smooth here and Red is sticking out like a piece of charcoal among gems. The idea is causing his breath to get jammed and his body stiffs.

 

And what’s with the Riverperson’s and Blue’s cheerful humming?! And this boat floating so slowly?! At least back in his home, the Riverperson is mostly silent. Or at least his humming is more threatening and the boat is so much faster.

 

**Everything is so different.** It should be better. In some aspects, it is.

 

“Tralala, there is difference between judgement and curiosity,” The neutral, melodic voice suddenly declares. It makes the skeleton startle a bit and he just glares the Riverperson who has fallen into silent humming once again. He catches Blue’s gaze who is smiling at him encouraging and proud.

 

Red feels like a little kid. This is stupid, this is ridiculous! He should be able to inspect this new world on his own and not act like a frightened kitten. Geeze… Grillby would laugh at him and smile that crooked smile of his like at that time when he managed to sneak a whoopie cushion on Red’s chair.

 

Or… he would get all protective again, pampering him to the point where it would make Red feel bad. Maybe it was best the flame man isn’t here to witness the skeleton’s weakness…

 

There are enough monsters for that anyway.

 

Thank goodness Blue seems to have calm down for a bit. He seems rather happy and excited. Either that or he hasn’t noticed Red’s nervousness or he chooses to ignore it…

 

Finally they actually arrive there. This Waterfall doesn’t really differ one for back home. It’s just a bit lighter and not so desolate. Monsters are roaming around chatting quietly and echo flowers are whispering nice things and casual conversations. It’s… soothing.

 

“So… what do you want to do?” Blue asks smiling gently. Again, that question which gives Red space and freedom. It’s weird.

 

“I dunno,” Red mutters shrugging his shoulders. He just wants to do something else than fear. He doesn’t want to lock himself in that small room and mourn. Red wants to be free but honestly, he doesn’t really feel it. The cage is in his mind, trapping him.

 

“That’s okay! Let’s just walk! I can show you around!” Blue nods with determination before he freezes and blushes with embarrassment. The small skeleton scratches the back of his head awkwardly. “Oh… silly me. That’ll be pointless since… uh…”

 

Oh, _oh._ He is kind of right. Red already knows every rock, every single flower in this place. But he isn’t going let that fuel the constant troublesome feeling that spirals between them. He starts to march on. “Lead the way,” he growls, not even giving a glance to his counterpart.

 

Blue is beaming and a sigh of relieve can be heard. For a short second it stabs Red making him uncertain. Is he being a bother? No… it’s pointless to think of it now. He just needs to keep himself together.

 

The more cheerful counterpart of his runs in front of him starting to babble and point at different directions. ( _How is he doing that? Just… getting over those uncomfortable feelings like that…)_ Red doesn’t even listen. He just focuses _feeling_ The Waterfall. The air is much fresher than in his universe, filling his body easily. The moist feeling of water in the air lingers on his bones and it’s so easy to see without all that mist floating ominously around.

 

A lot more monsters are roaming around compared to _his_ Waterfall. To Red’s relieve, none of them look at him. They are just doing their own thing, enjoying the day in peace.

 

Children are whispering things to echo flowers and giggling purely when they respond. This is… heavenly like scene. Something where Red doesn’t belong with his corrupt past. He lifts his hood on his face and locks his gaze on the ground. The anger is building up. It’s not fair… What kind of sick luck it had been for his family to not end up here.

 

Red tries not to think about how his family would have been if they all could have been able to live here. He tries not to think about how he would have had a genuine little brother and parents free of worry.

 

“ – Red? Are you… alright?” Blue asks carefully. The other one really doesn’t want to turn and look at the better version of himself. The lucky one who had a gift of this carefree life.

 

“Yes,” Red hisses between his sharp teeth. It’s not anyone’s fault really. He just happened to be born under the bad stars and that's all. “Let's just keep going.” He starts to slog forward still sour, his hands buried deep within his pockets. Quietly he keep clenching his phalanges around the inner fabric of the pockets. It's soft: warm.

 

Blue still keeps explaining but now it's more careful and slow. Red can practically feel his worried glances in between sentences and it makes something turn inside in his nonexistent stomach. Fuck, he doesn't want the other one to notice how he feels. He doesn't want to be vulnerable in front of anyone -no matter how kind they are, no matter how much they want to help him.

 

Last time it happened everything went so _fucking wrong._

 

Stars, what's wrong with him?! Red himself asked to be here, to see this new world – his new home – instead he feels the anxiety build up again, rising like a black, inky wave ready to drown him.

 

_Did you really think it would be that easy?_ A mocking voice in his head whispers. _Look at yourself! You don't look anything like those other monsters! You don't belong here. You never will!_

“Red?!” Someone is touching his shoulder and in a second Red's magic bursts in his eye-socket. He tenses and gets ready to attack only to notice, it's just Blue. That silly, gentle skeleton who just looks at him with no hint of fear. Only concern. “Look, we can go back and try this again tomorrow - “

 

“Is there a Wishing Room in here?!” Red asks quickly. The place he adored as a child. The place he showed Grillby once upon a reset and where they would talk in peace. The forgotten room full of monsterkind's broken hopes and dreams left to die alone.

 

Blue looks hesitant and Red can practically see how close the little berry is to call the whole thing off. Red wants to lash out in a childish rage and in frustration. How come this... _kid_ keeps babying him when he wouldn't last a day in his world?!

 

Except Red is not angry at him. Not really. It's himself he hates. He's frustrated how he let it all go to this point. How he even needs a fucking escort to walk around. And apparently Blue is not a kid. Now when Red thinks back he can tell how... plastic Blue's happy-go-lucky attitude had appeared. How his voice wasn't quite there... There was hint of small annoyance when Papyrus treated him like a child.

 

“Yes... Do you want to go there?” Blue asks gently. The other skeleton opens his mouth to answer, when he sees two monsters further away. They are looking at the two skeletons whispering something. Then they burst into small giggles.

 

“Yes,” Red mutters quickly wanting to move forward. He yanks his hood lower trying to cover his face. Blue's eye-sockets turn sad at this and he looks like he wants to say something reassuring and encouraging but one glare is enough to keep those words shoved down in his throat.

 

Blue isn't saying anything on the whole trip and honestly its nerve wrecking for Red. He ruined the mood. Maybe this is a bad idea... How can he even think about getting better or let go of all that abuse he has endured? How can he ever think of this place as a home when everything is upside down and when it's all feel like he's in a dream. Or in some kind of limbo.

 

It actually sounds kind of reassuring thought. If none of this is real he doesn't have to really care right?

 

“Here is it!” Blue's voice sounds genuinely happy this time. Red stares at the well-kept, dark door-way which isn't covered with slimy moss or having ugly graffiti's made by dull-eyed teen monsters.

 

Suddenly Red feels something heavy land in his throat. It's been so long he has seen this place this neat... _Taken care of._ His dad... He would have liked that.

                     

Yeah... Liked that...

 

_Sans has never seen his father like that. His eyes are blazing as he stares at the walls, full of ugly words written all over them with something that looks like black, thick paint. There’s a hole in the ceiling from an obvious magic use. Some of the crystals have fallen off and now they twinkle sadly and broken on the floor. All the echo flowers have been torn of the ground and Sans can hear the mocking laughter from them._

_The child notices a small pile of dust and the almost withered echo flower is repeating an ear piercing scream and begging. If Sans had hair, they would be upright. He wants to slap his hands on his earholes. It’s obvious someone has been murdered here. It’s so…_

_Grim._

_This place used to be untouched. Everywhere else, the monster dust is spreading like a plaque tainting their little world with death. This was the only place it hasn’t been reached… yet._

_Then again, the child knows this is nothing that could have been avoided. It was only the matter of time. Still… He wants away. He can’t stand to listen to this screaming any longer. The small skeleton grabs his dad’s coat to tuck it but before he can, Gaster have walked in front of that tiny, tiny flower._

_Only then, does the child notice the blazing purple hue on Gaster’s eyes. Dad is never this angry. It scares Sans. He flinches, even though he knows it’s not directed at him at all. Sans wants to say something, but nothing comes out._

_Coldly, Gaster snaps his fingers and a blaster appears, blasting that screaming plant silencing it forever. Sans jumps and now he’s kind of scared and worried._

_Without acknowledging his son’s presence, Gaster then walks to the broken, fallen crystals sitting beside them, staring at the ceiling blankly._

_Ever so slowly, Sans approaches the man, finally sitting next to him. He stares awkwardly at the miserable shards. **It’s just the room,** He wants to say. **Nothing worth getting upset about.**_

****

_They sit there for a long time. The boy is getting bored. They came here to train, isn’t it so? When the silence only stretches Sans summons small bones and starts to build small structures of them._

_“Sans… What do you know about stars?” Gaster’s voice startles Sans and his structure collapses, vanishing into the thin air._

_“Uh… They are kind of… these… huge balls of energy and the one closest to earth provides life to it?” His voice is still unsure. The boy is a quick learner but sometimes his small HP makes him drowsy and then it’s hard to focus on the lessons._

_“That is correct.” Pause. “Do you remember what they meant to monsters?”_

_“They were… holy to us…” Sans mutters awkwardly. He has only seen the pictures of star lit sky on the books. And while it’s beautiful this whole “holy” concept is so weird and distant to the boy, he just can’t grasp it._

_After all… Can anything be holy to them? Most of the monsters are murderers which only goal is to grow their LV and survive. Perhaps Gaster can see the question in his eyes as he smiles._

_“We weren’t always like this. Our king… used to be so kind and wise and our kind were gentle, not willing to kill anyone. We had a habit to make wishes to the stars.” His father pauses. “When…we were locked down here we didn’t change right away. This room was built so we would never forget the starry nights. It became the symbol of hope and freedom. When Asgore’s children died and the queen left us, he started to change to this beast. This room was abandoned and forgotten. I came here often to listen the old wishes left in here into these flowers… To remind myself we weren’t always like this. To keep myself from turning into them.”_

_Sans is listening, awkwardly, but still listening. His father has actually **lived** on the surface, it sounds amazing and truth to be told, the child is a bit mad how dad has never told this. There’s so much Sans wants to ask. _

_“I brought your mother here every time she was losing her hope. You were born here.” Gaster falls silent. “I thought… Maybe it was naïve of me. Of course it would happen sooner or later. I just hoped those wishes would remain here forever.” Dad gets up. “Let’s go home, son.”_

Red runs inside before Blue can say anything. And the room… it’s… Full of life. Echo flowers. They are whispering wishes, _hundreds of them_ as if they were having a competition. The crystals are shining nearly blinding the small skeleton. Everything is clean. Nothing is destroyed, or tainted.

 

Red… he feels so many things and part of him is so ashamed of being moved by this, but he can’t help himself. The small skeleton sits down, listening to the wishes.

 

The quick footsteps caught up on him. “Red… what – “

 

“Just like the place,” Red mutters quickly. He has never talked about his family to anyone. It’s something special, something so personal he just can’t share it with anyone.

 

Blue sits down next to him and Red can hear a breathless chuckle. “You too, huh? You know… Dad loved this place and used to bring us here all the time.”

 

Red stares at his counterpart, who is staring at the ceiling fond smile on his face. The red-eyed skeleton grits his teeth, wishing he could smile at those memories too. “I.. see…” He only mutters. Blue doesn’t seem to notice his bitter tone as he just continues. “Dad was really cool you know! He was part of the Royal Guard! And he could summon multiply hands! When he was in the pinch he could sword fight with many swords, man that was cool!”

 

Red plucks a tuft of grass next to him, not commenting anything. He feels exactly the same as many years ago, when dad had shared his feelings towards the wishing room. Awkward, uncertain: Not figuring out whether he should speak or not. So he’s just silent.

 

But apparently Blue is done with his story as he lies down and sighs happily, like he didn’t have any worries in the world. _Lucky bastard._

“Wanna make a wish?” He asks, surprising Red. The grumpy skeleton only shrugs. He hasn’t really made any wishes in ages and what would he even wish?! He knows it wouldn’t change anything. His past wouldn’t be erased or fixed. Grillby wouldn’t appear and hold him. It would be in vain.

 

Blue keeps the smile on his face. “It’s okay if you don’t want to of course! Mind if I make one?” Red just mutters something affirmative and watches as his counterpart closes his eyes. The red skeleton just sits there, admiring the room with mixed feelings. He doesn’t know what he should feel… again. It’s so weird to see someone appreciating this room.

 

“All done!” Blue says with an upbeat tone. He sits up not once again bothered by the silence Red offers him. Heck, he probably isn’t even aware of the inner struggle the more edgier skeleton has trying to figure out something not so depressive to deliver from his mouth.

 

“What did you wish?” Red finally asks not really that interested. But it’s at least something to chase away that constant awkwardness that seems to follow the smaller skeleton where ever he goes.

 

“I can’t tell you – It might not come true if I did,” The other one has a cheeky grin and Red isn’t so sure if he’s serious or not. At first Blue appeared as a mere fool, full of childish fantasies but now Red really isn’t sure what to make of his counterpart. Why would he pretend even for his brother? That damn carrot is practically worshipping his little brother’s every step.

 

“I see…” Red only lets out of his mouth instead of a herd of questions itching to get to fly out of his soul. He is also near to tell this happy skeleton that most likely his wish isn’t coming true anyway so it really doesn’t matter even if Blue would tell him.

 

Again, silence falls between them. Red really doesn’t mind. Silence is good to him. Silence used to mean that Fell had fallen asleep or long nights watching Grillby sweeping floors and having his warmth surround Red. Silence is… safe, non-threatening.

 

“Red…?” Blue asks uncertainty making his voice small and only a mere whisper. Red actually thinks he imagines it first.

                     

“Yes?” He only asks trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. Blue is, after all only one the red skeleton feels he can trust at the moment and considering the patience Blue has had while dealing with him Red ought to be damn grateful.

 

“Are you… Would you be really happy staying in here?” That small question takes Red off guard. It’s like an electric shock straight to his soul. It’s even more bizarre again since everyone he has met in here thus far have just kind of expected Red to stay and be happy about it. Papyrus really does seem to want to convince Red that life will be nothing than fucking daffodils and daisies with sprinkles of sunshine while they all would run around hand-in-hand. When the skeleton had been a notch better he had seen sympathetic looks and heard encouraging “Welcomes.”

 

No one had ever asked if he actually would want to stay, or if he is actually happy.

                     

“I don’t know,” He whispers hugging himself. “But I can’t leave, can I? Besides, where would I even go?”

                     

                     

Red blinks. He hasn’t even considered the option to just… move. It sounds a bit ungrateful considering how the skeleton brothers have helped someone that’s total stranger to them… But it also sounds somehow freeing. To figure things out on his own.

                     

“I don’t know – “ Red starts but can’t really continue since someone is yelling his – or their shared name.

 

Both of them turn their heads at the same time and Red’s soul skips a beat.

 

That Red hair… and scales…

 

Toothy, animalistic grin pops up from Red’s memories to haunt him. How one of the most dangerous woman in the Underground simply leaned against the edge that separated the audience from the arena at the Mettaton’s show. How the woman had bend her neck and laughed husky, bark-like laughter when Grillby had screamed in pain –

                     

Red forced himself to calm down and focus on the differences. This Undyne has a lab coat, and glasses. Her hair is on a messy bun and not in a ponytail sticking out here and there wildly reminding Red a troll. Also the skeleton forced all the facts on his head that Blue has told him about this Undyne. That she is sweet and really gentle and wouldn’t really hurt a fly. She is just a harmless anime nerd and nothing more. Small basket in her hand only adds more to her harmlessness.

                     

Next to her there is a tall robot. Once again, the skeleton has to push the nausea away and stare until his brain finally register it’s silver, white and blue shimmering from the robot and not the blinding red and yellow. He carries a black guitar-case on his back. 

                     

He can hear the quiet gasp next to him and he already knows what he sees before turning around.

                     

As expected Blue’s eyes have formed into a pair of stars as he keeps his eyes on the robot. “Oh my stars… That’s… Napstatton!” Red can practically see his counterpart shaking with excitement. A knot in his chest is tightening. No one was never that excited to see other person in his home. They were always strangers, possible threats.

                     

“I truly want his autograph… but… What if I bother him?! But… This could be only one time chance…” He keeps on rambling his pattern of speech getting faster and faster. Red wants to ask Blue not go and run towards those two living memories of nightmares. However…

                     

The skeleton has done so much for him and Red has clearly limited Papyrus and his brother. No one says so. No one would even dare to claim this or admit it but the truth is floating in the air, making everything more awkward. Just because Red isn’t having fun doesn’t mean others couldn’t.

                     

“Then just f - uh… just do so,” Red growls. “Let’s get you that dumb autograph.”

                     

“Really?!” Blue gasps turning to look at his friends his eyes shining more brightly than before. Soon they dim as the skeleton is struck by doubt. “Are you sure? Wouldn’t that be… hard for you? I mean… “

                     

_Stop treating me like that!_ A loud screaming sentence is blinking, plastering itself on Red’s mind and he doesn’t know anymore, if it’s directed at others or himself. All he knows he doesn’t want to look back anymore. Because there’s **_nothing_** for him.

                     

Only thing for him to erase his past is to get to know these monsters. To see them how they really are and not as cheap copies of that freak show he was once part of. Something like common sense is whispering back of his head, hissing him that this is not taking baby steps. This is a giant leap that might lead to a breaking point.

                     

Red doesn’t care. He can’t be careful all the time. He tried and it never led to anything. He got hurt nonetheless.

                     

“I’m sure,” He says harsher and quicker than he intends. They both start to walk towards Undyne and Napstatton. Both of them nervous for different reasons. When they are close enough, the fish monster glances Red uncertainly getting only a glare as an answer. To his satisfaction, the woman pales a little. Oh, if only the skeleton could have had that kind reaction out of his Undyne…

                     

“Hi!” The scientist says to Blue sounding a bit out of breath and tense. “L-long time no see!”

 

“Yeah! It’s super to see you here!” The skeleton greets his voice going higher at the end and Red notices his companion glancing Napstatton quickly. The robot smirks lazily and lifts his hands with a leisure movement.

                     

“Yo,” the robot only says and Red swears he can practically see the steam coming out of his counterpart’s ear-holes. This guy is supposed to be him?!

 

                     

What?! Red thought they were going to have a short conversation. Maybe five minutes or something, so Blue could have that stupid scribbling on a piece of paper. He is already opening his mouth to decline but he manages to shut it despite his growing anxiety. This is not about him! Must he always try to ruin everything from others?!

                     

“Red?” Blue’s voice resonates gently through the air. “Is it Ok – “

                                           

< “Yeah, whatever,” He mutters not really looking at anyone. Awkward silence is lingering in between them and the skeleton can sense how Blue wants to ask – insist – if he’s alright. Isn’t that just cute. Red is starting to feel like a downer. Maybe he should just leave and let the other three enjoy the picnic? (Stars, what’s the fucking point with this stupid things?! Isn’t it just eating outside?! Who in their right mind would even do that? It used be sign of a monster without a home. A stigma of deep poverty. Mom would always feel sorry for them and sneak food for them on her guard duty despite being attacked on occasion by the very same monster which she tried to help.)

 

“Cool,” Napstatton suddenly says and sits down. “Dudes, I think this is a rad place to have one!” His body language or tone of voice is like the epiphany of relaxation. There’s not even a hint that the robot has even noticed the awkwardness looming over them. Casually he takes out the guitar and starts playing it.

                     

They all just stare at the Napstatton until Undyne finally wakes up from her trance and takes a big cloth, putting it neatly on the ground. A delicious scent is floating from the basket and Red feels his mouth water for a bit. Without thinking, he takes one pastry from it starting to eat. He tenses as he realizes his mistake. To some monsters, eating order is show of power and respect. (To his brother at least.)

                     

But apparently, it isn’t so here, since others simply follow his example starting to eat not really commenting anything. They just start casually chit-chatting with each other to Red’s relief. The skeleton doesn’t really feel any desire to join the conversation. He’s still tense and it’s almost like someone has sewed his mouth shut.

                     

So he just listens.

                     

“I didn’t know you played guitar…” Blue says to Napstatton, his voice shivering as his gaze is lingering on the robot, who just laughs, relaxed and certainly pleased that the attention is on him.

                     

“Dude, I’m just full of surprises ya know,” He stretches like a cat, taking a grape from the basket. He winks at Blue, throwing the fruit on the air and catching it with his mouth. “If I’m completely honest, I’m a little scared of my talent ya know?”

                     

 Yep, this guy is certainly exactly as Papyrus has described him. Though Red still doesn’t know where all the hate is coming from. The guy just seems mildly annoying but to the skeleton, it kind of seems half joke. Then again, maybe there are some old grudges Red doesn’t know about…

                     

  “M-m-mayIhaveyourautographplease?!” Blue finally manages to bark his original plea. Words are tangled and mixed with each other but they can still be understood. The situation is comical though, and Red smiles behind his sandwich.

                     

 “Heh, Sure,” Napstatton answers his lazy smile spreading like Blue’s admiration is his finest meal (maybe it is.)

                     

Red feels a gaze on him. As he turns to look he sees Undyne watching him… Analyzing him like he was some sort of… experiment.

                     

Hazy pictures of Alphys’s disfigured experiments are threatening to rise on the surface of his mind. Red pins them down, trying to drown them. “What?” He instead asks, wanting desperately to activate his magic just in case.

                      Undyne startles but then she forces herself to smile. “I-I was just wondering… How have you been? Have you… liked it here?”

                     

 Oh no… Not this question. Red can see Blue tensing up on the corner of his eyes. He really doesn’t want to answer that. What is he supposed to say anyway?! That he doesn’t really have a choice?! That the wellbeing of a certain fire idiot is haunting him every single day and he just can’t have peace?!

                     

The anxiety is clustering on his chest, manifesting into an ugly black rock not allowing him to breathe. His thoughts are going round, turning into a fucking mess of a carousel. He can’t find the right answer since the thoughts are escaping, going faster and faster.

                     

  At this rate he –

                     

  _Clank_  A metallic sound makes them look at the Napstatton, whose hand has fallen of. The robot looks pissed. “Dyne! Sis, I thought you fixed my arm this morning!”

                     

“I-I did!” Undyne cries as she lunges to Napstatton, collecting his arm from the ground. As the scientist is busy fixing her creation Blue crawls to Red, sitting next to him.

                     

“Sorry about that… Undyne is just worried,” The skeleton whispers. Red grits his teeth and only nods. He feels like an alien. Like he wasn’t really a monster but some copycat trying to pretend to be one. At that moment, a mocking voice is telling him he would never fit in here.

                     

_You are ridiculous, what are you doing in here, in the middle of these monsters?_

 

He grabs his arm and squeezes, trying to anchor himself to reality and chase away the evil, all consuming thoughts. There’s absolutely nothing to be feared. It was just an innocent question, nothing more.

 

The skeleton stares in front of him, catching Napstatton’s eyes. To his surprise he sees… Understanding in the male’s face. And not that sugary overly sweet empathy most monsters have directed at him. That gaze is genuine. It’s the feeling of someone who can actually grasp the situation.

 

But… How?! The robot has everything. Fans, talent… his metallic surface looks like it’s been just waxed – Heck Undyne is making sure everything it’s in place right now! It should be phony and fake but in a strange way, it isn’t.

                     

It’s bonkers and honestly, Red doesn’t know how to react…

                     

“I – I don’t understand… How can it just fall off like that?! Unless…” The fish monster’s is silent for a moment. “You didn’t do this on purpose, did you?”

                     

The robot let’s out a theatrical sigh and rolls his eyes. “Dyne, c’mooon. Ya know how much I hate when my arms or legs come off. They get all dirty’n stuff… Just ‘cause I can do that doesn’t mean I want to.” He winks at Red.

 

_He did it on purpose,_ the skeleton realizes. This… _stranger_ distracted Undyne to help him and it’s weird and stupid. They don’t know each other. They have never met before! It doesn’t make any sense for this idol to do absolutely anything for Red! Somehow, the skeleton can understand the overwhelming kindness from Blue. They are technically the same person.

 

_Maybe he wants something from you._ It might be so. Sure, of course Blue would tell Red how everyone are so kind in here, but maybe there is some truth behind Papyrus’ reasoning after all.

 

Doubt swells in the skeleton’s soul and Red makes a mental note to be aware of this weirdo.

 

“Um… Could I help somehow?” Blue asks his eye-sockets glowing with curiosity. Undyne just sways her hand dismissively without saying anything. For a split second Red ponders if he should make a pun with a word “Handy” in it but anxiety makes him hold his tongue. (He misses Grillby’s annoyed face as he was launching puns at him non-stop. That irritated stare was a sign of undivided attention and oh, how it differed from Fell’s dangerous, predatory glare)

 

“There!” Undyne backed off as if to admire her handwork. “Good as new!” Napstatton lifts his hand and swayed his wrist couple time before grinning.

 

“Thanks, Dyne! You’re the best, dude!” He says. Red just rolls his eyes wanting to leave already.

 

“Isn’t he just so cool?” Blue whispers to Red. The skeleton just grumbles something. He doesn’t really know. Suddenly, all the word’s meaning are being changed in this marshmallow land. In his world, this wouldn’t be considered cool.

 

Stars, he really doesn’t fit in, does he?! Sure, Red’s world had been cruel and hellish but at least he understood how it worked, all the rules were simple: Don’t get killed.

 

The conversation carries on, without Red. He listens only half that’s being spoken, trying desperately to just hang on. Surprisingly though, no one is dragging him forcefully into talking. Well, Undyne does try it, but every time she even glances at him, Napstatton drags her attention away from Red.

 

It’s… suspicion but the skeleton doesn’t really want to swell on it. As long as he isn’t alone with the robot, he can’t do anything. Sometimes he looks at Red with that deep understanding in his eyes but skeleton doesn’t really react on those.

 

Time to time Blue comments something to Red with soft smile getting just a short mumbled answer.

 

The time passes and even though Red can’t say he’s having fun, he can feel the progress. He isn’t hysteric, his magic isn’t flaring up without a reason and even though he feels alien, he isn’t teleporting away in panic.

 

“O-Oh my…! I-Is it this late already?! I promised to meet up with Alphys!” Undyne suddenly cries and jumping on her feet. Napstatton is much slower with his movements, stretching again before standing up.

 

“Alphys?! Is it a date?!” Blue asks smiling like a sun. Red kicks a stone next to him inspecting the fish monster’s face as it flushes and she mumbles something. Napstatton winks at them.

 

“Yep, it’s definitely a date, guys!” The robot shouts, his smug face showing how much he’s enjoying the situation. Undyne buries her face into her hands.

 

“Oh my! I’m so happy for you! Enjoy your date!” The bright skeleton says happily. Red is just creeped out. He can’t help it since he can only see the versions he’s familiar with getting all close to each other and the picture isn’t pretty.

 

“I’m sure they will, little dude!” Napstatton grins. “Now if you’ll excuse us, I need to escort Dyne to her date!” They collect the basket and are off.

 

Blue chuckles. “That’s adorable!” He turns to Red. “Shall we head home as well?” Thank god. The darker skeleton feels exhausted but he honestly feels good about himself. He endured the situation without any panic attacks and that’s something. He complies, relief flooding in.

 

They walk to the Riverperson with calm silence surrounding them. For once, Red’s head is empty from thoughts and for that he is grateful. He knows they are just around the corner, lurking somewhere in the maze of his mind, ready to attack but even a moment of peace is more than he could ask for.

 

“Hey… Red…” Blue starts uncertainly. “I’m sorry I dragged you in there so suddenly… I understand if you don’t want to do this anymore – If you need more time and space…”

 

Does he need it? Staying inside the house isn’t exactly the answer. It only packs his head with terrible thoughts and feelings. In how many resets did Fell lock him up in his room? How many times did he bang the door nearly manically, breath getting stuck in his throat, tears blurring his vision?

 

Red doesn’t know if walking around is making him better or worse. He doesn’t believe he can just turn into a social butterfly overnight and not see these monster as the once from his world. Maybe this is a terrible idea. But he knows one thing:

 

He’s **_done_** locking himself in his room.

 

“It’s okay… We can… do this again some time…” He answers.

 

Blue smiles at him gently as they hop in the boat listening the soft humming of the Riverperson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know this has absolutely nothing to do with this but.... 
> 
> SPOILER FOR STEVEN BOMB 5, DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT!!!
> 
> HNNNNGGGHHHH That was so beautiful! It was anything I could have ever asked for!  
> The reveal of Blue diamond... her pearl... (jesus, I... Love her???? So much?!!!!)  
> Yellow diamond singing and having her character deepened (HER FREAKING SONG IS AWESOME!!!)  
> AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT FAMETHYST LIKE THE FACT THAT THEY FREAKING WAITED FOR HER ACTUALLY POP UP FROM THE  
> GROUND UNTIL THEY HAD TO LEAVE!!!  
> I also noticed something interesting. We have constantly shown how badly upper class gems are treating the lower gems, talking down to  
> them and getting physically aggrressive. Like how blue agate acted, or how Yellow diamond talked to Peridot and Blue diamond talked to Sapphire  
> HOWEVER. The diamonds are treating their pearls... surprisingly gently. It wouldn't probably be problem in their society to treat them like crap. But, they aren't being impatient with them or snapping at them... For example, when Blue Pearl is investigating the bush, her diamond is asking with very soft voice what is she doing, though, this can be due to the grieve. However in the "Message received" Yellow is asking very calmly from her pearl who is calling from the diamond line. She wasn't accusing her or anything. Even when she says "I'll take it from here" she sounds very calm. Also, the way yellow lifts the two pearls as she sings is very gentle... I dunno, this is just very sharp contrast how agate is treating our pearl and how lower gems are being usually treated I can't help but wonder if this plays in the plot later on... Don't get me wrong, these two pearls are still slaves clearly, and I hope to see them free but the diamonds seem to actually care of them somehow....

**Author's Note:**

> So yeh.... I hope Blueberry is not too OC...And hey! I when he is training with Gaster I'm always imagining them singing "Do it for her" From steven universe's episode "Sworn to a sword" specificly this cover: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJ3ocY9O-58 This dude's voice just sounds a bit like Gaster to me...also... somehow I'm imagining that Gaster is singing abt his wife and Blue is singing about his brother <333
> 
> IF YOU MISS MY EDIT AT THE BEGINING PLEASE READ IT.


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